Bocce Revolution (2015)

Bocce Revolution (2015)

Ten Pin Alley. Hotshots Golf. Bocce Revolution.

In the long line of accessible sports games that use a power meter to simulate how much force you’re applying to a ball, it’s not a comfortable thought that Bocce Revolution is leading the vanguard into the future.

That isn’t to say that this is a terrible game. If you want nothing more than to play bocce with a friend or against the computer, and to play either a single game or a best-out-of-five tournament, then have at it. God knows the market is underserving the bocce crowd.

On the other hand, $20 for this seems really steep because all there is are those two modes and some physics that don’t quite feel right. Maybe I’m wrong about the physics, maybe they’re fine, maybe it’s just that there isn’t any sound effect for when the ball is rolling across the court. Maybe it’s that the aiming line seems to be consistently off, somewhere between five and ten degrees to the right of the ball’s actual path.

Maybe it isn’t the physics as much as it is the crowd’s triangle faces, and the two textures and hairstyles that are recolored and repeated across them. Maybe it’s that there is only one court and it’s inside, and there are windows that look out onto a blue sky that has lost its electricity. Maybe it’s that the only sounds in the game are the kind-of-loud music, the interface sound effects, an announcer who says bizarre things like “the competitors have the sport carved from their DNA”, and the occasional knock of wood-on-wood when a ball hits another ball. Maybe it’s that the crowd is silent and motionless. Maybe it’s that when you pitch your ball, your sportsman goes through the motion up to the point where the ball would leave his hand, and then instead of leaving his hand it actually teleports to a starting point somewhere below it and then starts rolling.

Maybe it’s that the singleplayer is against the same AI player forever, just a single, conspicuously talented artificial intelligence stuck inside some man in an orange tracksuit. I can play a single game against him, or I can play a tournament against him, but it’s always him. Maybe it’s that the multiplayer is only local, as if I wanted to sit in my room with my friend and play a game of bocce that is stuck inside another room, one filled with a blankly staring audience and an announcer who remains professional in spite of obviously losing his mind.

Maybe it’s that the court looks totally flat, but seems to have a slight concavity towards the center.

I don’t know. I just couldn’t stand more than 20 minutes of it.

0/2. Don’t.