Fresh off of the collapse of Testicles, our Grecco-Roman JRPG that we’d overdesigned and didn’t want to do any real work on, my brother and I were in dire need of funds. Real funds for serious business, which at the time included eating $5 rice plates and cherrypicking games from Steam sales. This is where lolzparade.com came in.
Of all the stupid, underpaying jobs that I’ve had after college, working for a clickbait site was probably the best. While it only paid $12 a list and a list took about 90 minutes to put together, I could at least do it from home and not deal with crazy Bay Area people. And what’s more, I could split the working time in half if I worked with my brother.
At the end of that first day, we looked at what all we’d accomplished and hung up our keyboards. We were tired, and frustrated by constantly negotiating our works with group of editors who grew increasingly wary of our tendency to snipe primo topics and ruin them with over-the-top verbiage, and who constantly warned us to stay on the straight and narrow in fear that we would offend the religious/moral/slavering-celeberity-worship desires of their financial backers and audience, and who were just generally committed to telling us to stop fucking up their lame linkbait site. And not only were our efforts to undermine and mock their jobs unappreciated, it was really boring work. It’s mind-numbing to look through thousands of Ryan Gosling pictures and find 15 that are different enough to warrant a Top 15 of the guy.
It’s been a couple years and lolzparade.com has gone through the inevitable series of transformations that all internet companies do, splitting some of its content across mylikes.com and/or likes.com, and deleting a number of our top 20 lists. It’s hard to say exactly what happened/what’s left, as lolzparade wasn’t that interested in publishing the authorship of its lists, which makes figuring out which of literally hundreds of “Ryan Gosling Hottest Pics” google results is ours a matter of remembering an exact phrase we used in a caption.
Actually, the same problem extended to remembering the name of lolzparade itself:
(20:57:56) cleaverdarkness: do you have links to our buzzfeed articles?
(16:18:29) ebimcdonalds: i might have them in an email
(16:18:36) ebimcdonalds: what was the site called?
(16:18:37) cleaverdarkness: k
(16:18:39) cleaverdarkness: idk
(16:18:41) ebimcdonalds: it was something really stupid
(16:18:46) ebimcdonalds: like iheartmemes or something
(16:18:51) ebimcdonalds: or lollists
(16:18:58) ebimcdonalds: lolmemes?
(16:19:03) cleaverdarkness: that sounds right
(16:22:51) ebimcdonalds: memeparty?
(16:23:00) cleaverdarkness: sure
(16:30:11) ebimcdonalds: memetown?
(16:38:06) ebimcdonalds: do you remember any key phrases or wordings?
(16:38:12) ebimcdonalds: i can’t remember anything here
(16:38:59) cleaverdarkness: nope
(17:01:28) ebimcdonalds: ryan gosling baby duck?
The following are the few that survived. I remember our “Top 20 Faces of James Franco” and “Hottest Kate Uptons” (nee “Sexiest Kate Uptons”, lest the investors be offended by the statement that Kate Upton’s sexualized body is sexy) being a couple of our other more successful lists. If you should happen across these while navigating your own personal clickbait hell, drop us a line. We’d love to see them again.
Picture credits go to whoever we poached the images from, text by us.
15 Cutest Ryan Gosling Pics
Nicki Minaj: Fashion Icon or Disaster
15 Most Hilarious Dilbert Strips
I should note that this list was the last we did, where we were so desperate to stop that we just took the first 15 random Dilberts from dilbert.com and captioned them with whatever the first person to speak said. I mean, after “fuck”, “shit”, “fart” or “what the fuck is this.”
Top 20 Faces of James Franco
Hottest Kate Uptons